What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
