Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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