Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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