VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
