Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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