I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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