Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
