I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
