Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
