So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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