so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
