I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
