hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
