This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
