I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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