so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
