How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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