Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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