i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
3pm strippers are depressing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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