I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
