Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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