his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
