The maid of honor just puked.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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