I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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