How'd it feel making her break her religion?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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