You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
