I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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