I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
