Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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