there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
