I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
