Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
