hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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