lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
just found out that she named her cat after me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
