I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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