I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
