so explain again why im purple
no
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
