I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
