her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
