alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
