its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
