I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
