I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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