did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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