I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
