I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
