Im at strip club and am horny
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
