I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
