Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
