On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
