You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
