If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
