what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
