I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
