I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
