I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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