dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
