that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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