those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
