Just fell off a train. Bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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