dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
