Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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