His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
