Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
