i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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