great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize