I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
