Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
