Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
