Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
