well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
