it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
