He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You've changed since you got that strap on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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