I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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