Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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