I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
porn star boner night. come get it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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