sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
