i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize