That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
